"Welcome back, Daniela." This is what I imagine the Lord is saying right now. I have not sat down and had quiet time, or even just read the Bible in two weeks. I have been doing everything BUT that. And making great excuses, justifying how I'm spending my time well when I'm not at all. So, here I am sitting at my dining room table, where I'm practically living these days, my anatomy books open and papers everywhere. I enjoy this spot, the dog sits on my feet, chews his bone and the sunshine streams in from the outside.
Jerod and I didn't make it to the sermon on Sunday and I haven't listened to it yet online (no doubt because I'm believing this lie as of late: if I do anything other than school I should feel guilty). So, I thought I would look at the verses from the week before.
Mark 9:38-41
Convicting verses. I notice I have begun to exclude people more often than I thought. Tyler used the word repel. According to dictionary.com repel means to drive or force back. GUILTY. I have forgotten truth! The commonality I have with every human being is Christ died for all, with the hope they would turn to Him and be saved (1 Tim. 2:4). I once was lost. Why has this not changed how I live yet? My sin. I live in pride and fear. This truth, my commonality in Jesus, should change how I live, and how I view others. I believe the Lord has been trying to convict me for a while. But only now am I seeing my sin.
How am I guilty? I believe I could go a step further and call myself and "avoider"; someone who keeps away from people. I just avoid people. Avoiding people was always easier. Someone was upset with me, I avoided them. I was upset with someone, I avoided them. Someone was different, I avoided them.
What's worse? I do this more in the church than I do outside of it. In my non-church environments I feel I have something to prove so I do all the "right" things, cuss, joke, laugh, build relationships. And at church I stick with the people I know and I don't branch out. I hide behind my ministry with V21 kids as well. It's safe, no uncertainty, no rejection. I hide behind the hope people will be merciful and forgiving despite my sin. Instead of leaning into grace, I try and protect myself. Loving people, in the church and outside the church, is messy. I have given into a lie. Jesus never said it would be easy to follow Him.
I need a heart change; God desires I repent (2 Peter 3:9). At work I often find myself asking for a new heart all together, one that is patient, kind and compassionate. The Lord has really convicted me. I see my sin clearly. I am thankful for the Lord this morning. Tyler gave several verses about God's love, I believe Romans 11:32 applies. "For God has consigned all to disobedience, that He may have mercy on all.
I have been disobedient, tolerating my sin all this time, not doing anything about the state of my heart. Thank you Lord for how merciful You are towards me. I am so thankful for forgiveness and the hope I find in You.
dmj.
